Miscarriage

Right before Christmas break I had found out I was pregnant. Trent and I were really excited and just happy. We were full of joy. As many know we have had a hard time trying to get pregnant. With Kelsey it took us over 2 years. It has now been over a year since we we have been trying for a second. So we were especially excited to have good news to share. We told our families and all were happy for us! Trent and I of course had already started planning and dreaming of the future days of our growing family. We began cleaning out our stuff, getting rid of things, and figuring out how to make space. Yes I know that it was all very soon but you have to understand our excitement. I am sure most people think about those type of things as well. It is only natural. I even pulled out my maternity clothes and washed them all so that they would be ready to go. I could already feel my body changing and preparing. I know it was early but I could feel a difference. I have heard you show earlier with your second and I am not the thinnest person ever. I may have been over excited to my belly grow with my tiny baby inside me. It was an exciting time that didn't last very long and our hopes were ripped apart. The Friday after Christmas we were cleaning up our Christmas decorations while Kelsey was napping. I went to the bathroom to take a shower and noticed that I was spotting. I told Trent and instantly felt my heart ache. Since the beginning I had a bad feeling that something wasn't quite right. I think I worried also with Kelsey but I just kind of felt off this time around. I wanted to think everything was going to be okay and not worry but, I guess my gut feeling was right. I kept on bleeding and it got heavier and called the doctor. They said to come in and get my blood drawn so I did. They said they would call me back but they never did. I ended up having to call them but by that time the office was closed. So I had to go to the ER. We left Kelsey with my parents and waited at the hospital for 4 hours before being seen. Finally got in and they did an exam and ordered an ultrasound. The ultrasound was really hard for us to go into. I wanted so bad to be able to see something or hear something. But after looking on the screen and seeing nothing, I knew for sure that something had happened. I didn't want to believe it so I kept on hoping. They weren't sure at this point if it was a miscarriage or if it was just too early to see anything. So they told me to come back after the weekend to check my hormone levels in my blood. I had to go in twice because they lost my blood the first time. But the second time it was confirmed that it was indeed a miscarriage. I was 5 weeks pregnant. Not very far along but far enough along to make a difference. Trent and I had a really hard time and a rough few days that were spent mostly laying around and crying. Random tears and tugs at the heart. I never ever wanted to go through this experience because I never thought I would be able to handle the pain of it all. It has now been a couple weeks and although I still think about it all the time I am trying to move on. It helps to be distracted and busy. The tears have stopped unless someone brings it up and then it is hard for me to talk about. I know Heavenly Father has a plan for our family and I know he has been there with me every step of the way to get over the pain. He has helped me turn to him and know peace and comfort. Someday I know we will have another child. When this day will be I do not know. But as of right now we are content in our lives. We have a beautiful daughter who looks to us and loves us and depends on us and that is the greatest. I am a mother no matter what and I will never take that for granted. I love my family and I love the Lord. I am thankful for everyone who cares for us and thinks about us. It is nice to know that people care and worry for us. That is a great gift. Thank you all for the support. We definitely need it.